How to Stop Feeling Alone and Build Real Friendships in College

Struggling with Stress and Loneliness in College? You’re Not Alone

College can be one of the most exciting times in life but for many students, it’s also one of the loneliest. You want to make friends, feel connected, and create those lifelong memories everyone talks about, but anxiety and overthinking seem to get in the way.

You feel surrounded by students who have made friends. You overhear classmates talking about their upcoming plans with friends, and your social media feed feels full of pictures of people your age laughing with others. It feels like making friends in college should be easy. Maybe you’ve found yourself avoiding social situations because you’re worried about saying the wrong thing. Or perhaps you’re so focused on wondering if others like you that you forget to ask yourself, "Do I even like them?" If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone and it doesn’t have to stay this way.

As a therapist specializing in working with college students in Michigan, I understand how overwhelming this experience can feel. Let’s dive into some strategies that can help you move past the stress and loneliness, build genuine friendships, and start enjoying your college experience.

1. Friendships Take Time, And That’s Okay

One of the biggest misconceptions about making friends in college is that it happens overnight. You might see people on campus laughing in groups or posting pictures of their new best friends online and wonder, Why hasn’t that happened for me yet?

The truth is, relationships don't happen to us, they require our active participation, so we might need to take the reigns when it comes to creating opportunities for connection. Meaningful friendships take time to develop, so start small. Challenge yourself to attend one meeting of a campus club that aligns with your interests, ask a classmate if they want to grab coffee after class, or see if someone in your residence hall wants to go with you to the dining hall. If those things sound too big, identify even smaller steps that feel more accessible such as simply saying "hi" to someone you pass in the hallway and grow from there. Relationships don’t blossom in a day, but every small interaction that you initiate lays the foundation for something deeper to evolve.

Try this: Set a realistic goal for yourself. For example, aim to have one friendly interaction each day. Over time, these moments will add up and create the connections you’re looking for.

2. Shift Your Focus: Do YOU Like Them?

When social anxiety takes over, it’s easy to get caught up in thoughts like, "What if they don’t like me?" or "What if I say something awkward?" But here’s an important question you might be forgetting to ask: "Do I like spending time with this person?".

Building friendships isn’t just about being likable, it’s about finding people who make you feel comfortable and valued as your authentic self. Instead of overthinking whether others approve of you, take a step back and notice how you feel when you’re around them. Do they make you laugh? Do you feel supported? Do you feel interested in getting to know them? Do you feel safe and comfortable in their presence?

Try this: After spending time with someone, ask yourself: "Did I feel more energized or drained after that interaction?" Use your inner wisdom as a guide to decide which relationships are worth pursuing.

3. Overcome Overthinking by Taking Small Steps

Social anxiety often leads to overthinking: "Did I talk too much? Was that joke awkward?" These thoughts can keep you stuck in your head and make it harder to connect with others.

The key is to take small, manageable steps to challenge these fears. For example, instead of avoiding social events entirely, start by attending a casual meetup where the pressure to “perform” is low. You don’t have to stay the whole time, just showing up is progress.

Try this: Before attending a social event, write down one positive thing you hope to gain from it. It could be as simple as, “I want to introduce myself to one new person.” Having a goal can help quiet your overthinking and give you a sense of accomplishment.

4. Learn to Set Boundaries and Stop People Pleasing

If you’re a people pleaser, you might prioritize others’ needs over your own, saying “yes” to things you don’t want to do just to avoid conflict or rejection. But this pattern often leads to feelings of resentment, disconnection, and self-doubt. You may even question if others are spending time with you because they genuinely want to or if they’re doing it out of obligation and just to be nice... just as you do.

Honoring your own needs builds self-trust and authenticity. When you are regularly honest when you say "yes" and “no,” others will learn that they can trust your responses too. This honesty fosters safe, genuine relationships. Remember: if someone is upset by your healthy boundaries, their absence makes space for people who truly value your authenticity.

Start small. For example, if a classmate invites you to study together but you focus better alone, politely decline. These small acts of self-care strengthen your boundary setting muscles over time.

Try this: The next time you feel pressured to say “yes,” pause and ask yourself, “What do I really want in this situation?” Then, give yourself permission to honor your needs; and remember- "no" is a complete sentence!

5. Be Patient and Kind to Yourself

Making friends when you’re struggling with social anxiety is hard work. Celebrate the small wins like introducing yourself to someone new or showing up to a campus event. These steps might not seem big, but they’re all part of building the social life you want.

Remember, you’re not broken or unlikable because you feel this way. Even though you may not see it, many of your peers are currently struggling with these same anxieties too- and they would be thrilled to become friends with you. With time, practice, and support, you can move past loneliness and start forming the connections you’ve been longing for.

Remember: You Don't Have to do This Alone! Therapy Can Help You Build Confidence and Connection

If this resonates with you, consider taking the next step toward change by working with a licensed mental health therapist. Many colleges and universities have licensed therapists available for students to work with, or you can browse for therapists licensed in your state to find someone who sounds like a good fit. If you're located in Michigan and are interested in working with me, schedule a free consultation with me to see if I'm a good fit. Meeting with a therapist will allow you to explore how therapy can help you feel less alone, identify tools to help you meet your specific goals, and begin to help you feel more confident in your college experience.

About the author: Sarah Santiago is a licensed professional counselor in Michigan. She provides virtual therapy to Michigan college students and young professionals throughout Michigan. Her specialties include helping clients work through stress, anxiety, eating disorders, improving self-compassion, overcoming people pleasing, and more. Learn more about Sarah, here.

Note: This blog post is not intended to replace or serve as professional advice or therapy. If you are concerned about your mental health, it is recommended to consult with a licensed mental health professional. If you are in a crisis, please seek help immediately by calling 988 or visiting your local emergency room.